Hello friends!
It’s been more than a year since my last letter, and I’m ready to start writing these again and return to this medium. I’ve been quiet for a while because I’ve needed to keep things to myself and take up some physical space instead of digital, but I’m ready to emerge a bit from this cocoon. This is probably the cheesiest thing I’ll ever say in this newsletter but the years really do start coming and they don’t stop coming.
This last year has been a truly transformational one. Last July I was engaged to my partner, in our old apartment, working on projects that had yet to be published, and navigating shifting tides in my personal life. A year later, we are married (hurrah!), living in our own little house, and those (now award-winning!) projects are out in the world. Those tides of my personal life have changed so much, it feels like a different ocean.
A big thank you to my partner (now husband!), my friends, my family, my therapist, my wedding planner, and my whole support network for making all of these big changes possible.
During my time away, I did write here, but I didn’t ever have the bandwidth to publish a full newsletter. So, to catch us up, here’s some of the little letters I wrote you while I was away, along with some recent favorite songs and photos I wanted to share.
august
Life has been moving too fast to keep up. Some snippets:
lavender lemonades
the farmer’s market
going to an open house on a whim and falling in love with it
weekends with friends at really good places
good fonts everywhere I go
sundays at the park in the heat
music videos at midnight
Sometimes life will tell you exactly what you want — exactly what you need — and other times you have to guess. Sometimes you have to guess and guess and guess and then it all clicks into perfect clarity. It’s realized in front of you.
I went into this year with a lot of intentions. I had emerged from the most intense stages of the pandemic with a clearer focus on what I wanted next from life and just had to figure out how to get there. The figuring out was messy. It revealed that for every thing on my list there were 20 sub items to figure out. And that’s where the guessing and endless hard work came into play. But now, in August, I can look back behind me and see all the progress I’ve made. In the end, it’s about going back to the intention. Yes, it can be tough. Yes, you will have to be smart about it. But ultimately, what turns things from a dream to a reality is connecting with what you really want, what you intend to bring into the world, and navigating the space to get there.
emotive
I used to pride myself on the fact that I could control my emotions. That I didn’t cry in movies and that I could be the calm one in a storm. I discussed my feelings in depth, but felt disconnected to them, like an observer from afar. It took me a long time to realize that this disconnect from my emotions and my body wasn’t healthy. That intellectualizing my feelings, while feeling much more safer than feeling them, was not good for my mental health long term.
So, as I’ve been doing work in that space, it hit me like a ton of bricks when I could actually feel my emotions. I was exhausted 24/7. Sitting with discomfort every minute of every day. Every emotion felt like such a big wave, and it was a challenge learning to ride the waves and accept the feelings moving through me rather than push them away.
My inner child wants to sob when she feels like everything is going wrong, and for so long I didn’t allow it. Crying is an emotional release that needed to happen. It’s exhausting but it’s a relief. I’m glad I don’t hold my emotions at an arm’s length anymore.
november
It’s odd, I’ve been journaling a ton lately, but not really writing. The past few months have been a whirlwind of fast, stressful days and slow, methodical ones. Of rushing to get things done for some areas of my life and letting intentions and inspiration come to me in others. I have been struggling a lot with my mental health, and working through a lot there.
Because of that, my body has been craving movement on the days I’m not entirely exhausted, so I’ve been doing the be.come project again. I’ve also been trying to get outside, even if it’s to sit on the porch and smell the rain and the earth.
A while back, one of my passion projects turned into something bigger, and that’s been incredible, but it also means the work has lost its luster. It’s still meaningful and worthwhile, but it’s a different kind of beast nowadays, one that eats up all of my time if I let it.
I’ve been playing around with colorful makeup this year, which is still a little bit outside my comfort zone but I’m having fun with it. Also been loving checking out books and making the most of my local library. That’s been a big highlight of the past couple months.
Been going non-stop to concerts this fall, but I think I just had my last planned one for the year. Chappell Roan ended the year with one of my favorite shows ever. I’m so grateful for that time with friends, singing along to music that brings us together.
That’s my little bundle of letters. <3
If you’ve made it this far and stuck around after this this long wait, thank you for reading. I’ll be sending these out more often now, hopefully on a monthly basis. I have a lot to share!
Until next time,
Steph